pilot humour :)

A sleepy and chilly good morning to you all. I blog this morning for no really good reason, but I'll make up a few that should pass for acceptable reasons anyway: 1- I've got flying to visit Minnesota on the brain at the moment, as I'll be doing that in just under a month now! (I'm so excited!) 2-I'll be flying with Qantas, which should make everybody happy, since they feed and entertain me quite adequately, and they are still the ONLY international airline to have never had a major accident; never lost a single person. and 3- It's always nice to start a day with a little chuckle if you can get one.

So Dan's grandparents (great people), they get this newsletter for the National Seniors Association, and this month they sent a copy of it to us because of what was on the back. This morning I finally read it all the way through and I really laughed out loud. My husband is going into a profession with such a fantastic sense of humour :)

I can't be bothered to learn to scan, so I type this, word for word, as fast as I can, before I rush off to work. ENJOY!
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After every flight, Qantas' pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said tht ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' Pilots (marked with a P) and the Solutions Recorded (marked with an S) by Maintenance Engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. (he he :)

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last!!! ....

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Every K over is a killer

I have pondered writing this post for some time now. It's just one of those cultural differences that I find fascinating. At the moment there isn't really anything new or terribly interesting to share about my own life, so I will expose to you one of the more widely visible practices of Aussie government.

Apparently you could make the stereotype that Australians like to drive. They spend a lot of time on long roads -- driving far, and driving fast. And the media spends a lot of time on the alarming increase in car crashes. And the government spends a lot of money on billboards, radio and tv commercials, to educate people (or scare or embarrass them, whatever works) into following road rules. These are some of the wittiest ads I have seen. They are everywhere, and they are sponsored by the governement.

Every K over is a killer -- (K = kilometre...meaning every kilometre over the speed limit, in case you weren't sure). This is the campaign's major slogan. It's been around at least 6 years, since I first came here, and it must've had some shock value at first. But I don't think anyone really even notices it anymore.


Drink drive - you're a loser -- (referring to losing points on your license. when you lose too many, you lose the license. )

High speed. Low IQ.

Has your car got a nut loose at the wheel?

I see these billboards every day. They make me smile :) I can only imagine the offended motorists who would rise up if these kinds of slogans were blared out in the US. It seems terribly politically incorrect there. Here, it's just another example of the Aussie value of being a bit cheeky to say what you want to say. And I say, good on 'em. (Unfortunately, even as the campaigns are growing, they don't seem to be doing anything to actually lessen the death tolls on the roads. I have no idea how it actually compares to other countries...presumably, it's fairly average? )

So there's my bit of Aussie trivia for you for the day. Sorry it's not too exciting, that's all I've got for the moment. :)